Chanukah 2014

As I sit and watch my son light
The candles flickering so very bright
I think about a poem I recently wrote just to ease my pain
As a mom of a completely normal child in the past
How can life ever be the same…

Schizoid stuff,
life is rough
Gosh! It’s so tough…
Who am I? What will be? Can you hear me…
Am I here at all? When did I fall?
Please don’t leave me and don’t come close
don’t you know? I ‘m just a ghost

I am not real and neither are you
stop staring, get away, don’t tell me what to do…
You are crazy, the whole world is mad
now I am alone…are you glad??

Do you really care about me?
Are you really my friend?
You are very strange, you are mean
I don’t need you, it may seem…

But I really do…please understand
I am suffering and my mind is twisted
like a rubber band…yet I insisted
that everyone is always wrong and I am right
can’t you help me…what takes so long?

I have wandered from place to place
and now I have found a real home…
Thank G-d My mind is no longer
left to wonder & roam…

Thank you for bringing me back
I feel like I finally belong…
There are others here just like me
and I know someday I will heal
even though it seems so long…

Schizoid stuff, oh life is tough
and even though I seem weird
I am still a human being inside…
until some help comes from above
Shalvat Chayim is where I will reside…